The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
