Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
