I hate all girls vehemently.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm jealous of your bromance
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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