her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
