if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
