O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
