I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Congratulations! We have a period
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