I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
