so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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