you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
