Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
