if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
