new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
