Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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