Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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