I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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