dude i'm inner monologue high
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
