i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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