Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
