You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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