sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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