dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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