the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
