The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
