People with herpes should wear stickers.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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