nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize