I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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