Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
