i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
