I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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