woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize