I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
