thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
