He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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