pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
