I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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