I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize