Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
