Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
