Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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