There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
