did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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