Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
