The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
