look no pants
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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