i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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