So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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