We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
