i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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