Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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