Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
