Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Randomize
