I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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