i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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