i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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