It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
