I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
