he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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