Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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