OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize