batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
