her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
