Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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