I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
