My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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