I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
