you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
