Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
