Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
