so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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