Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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