there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
