Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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