I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize