Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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