So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
