I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
