Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
