soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
