And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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